Princess Psychoses - The Scary Behind the Fairy Tale

Last weekend my friends and I got into a discussion about the celebrated Disney princesses. Little girls have long looked up to these royal ladies as the epitome of perfection for years; however, it occurred to us that they’re actually quite far from perfection. Truth be told, just as the real life offspring of royal families have battled diseases like haemophilia, the Disney princesses are chalk full of pathological psychoses and medical maladies.

Take Aurora for example, the famed “Sleeping Beauty”. She pricked her finger and slept for a hundred years . . . and no one thinks it might be a good idea to consult with a physician? I mean, is it possible that she just suffers from narcolepsy and no one bothered to diagnose her? Or perhaps a coma? The same could be said for Snow White, though I tend to think she's got a bad case of catalepsy, a nervous condition which causes rigid muscles, slowing down of body function – such as breathing – and a lack of response to stimulus. So while she may have appeared “dead” to her dwarf friends, it’s quite possible that she merely needed to be treated by an experienced medical team.

Catalepsy: Can cause "death-like"symptoms.

And then there’s Cinderella. The poor girl lost both her parents at an early age and was then raised by a malicious stepmother – is it any wonder that she developed a few mental disorders? Like OCD for example, the cause of her obsessive need to clean. And then there’s the schizophrenia, the mental disorder that makes her hallucinate a pumpkin turning into a carriage and talking mice. No worries there. 

Hmmm, is that normal???

I've long suspected that Rapunzel was merely agoraphobic, using the guise of an evil enchantress locking her away from the world so she could Howard Hughes-it up in her castle. And Ariel – that girl’s got Compulsive Hoarder Syndrome written all over her. And little Miss Alice in Wonderland needs to get her LSD addiction under control. Fast.

That sure is a lot of, uh, "treasures"she's got stored in there ...

But my personal favorite is Belle, the beautiful girl who looked beyond the monstrous features of her prince to the man beneath. Or, you know, developed Stockholm syndrome toward the real life monster that kept her locked up for months and months. Definitely not the “fairy tale” romance young girls should dream about. 

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All these fairy tales seem wonderful and romantic on the surface, but cause some serious concerns when you delve a little deeper. Maybe instead of waiting around for their princes to come rescue them, these princesses might have done better to high-tail it to a psychologist. Just a suggestion . . . 

The Princess Predicament

When I was a little girl, I loved the Disney princess movies. Truth be told, I still do. Little Mermaid, Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella – they’re all wonderful. And I’m not ashamed to admit that I spent a lot of time dancing around my house, pretending I was one of them.

However, when I got older and began developing a fascination with superheroes and villains during my teenage years, it occurred to me how limited I’d been in my childhood. As a girl, I’d been steered towards “girly” interests – like the Disney princesses. I had a plethora of tiaras and tutus, but one ever gave me a comic book. Or superhero action figurines. 

Now that I’m in my twenties, I’m faced with a slight crisis of identity. When faced with the choice between princesses and superheroes . . . which do I chose? Some might think this a silly concern, but it’s actually come up more than once. And apparently I’m not the only one who feels this way, because a few clever artists came up with a solution. Please let me introduce . . .

The Princess Superhero!!!

Above: Ariel, Aurora, Esmeralda, Mulan, Meg and Jasmine

Below: Ariel, Belle, Aurora, Jasmine, Cinderella, Mulan, Snow White and Tiana

Pretty awesome, right? And what's a Superhero Princess without a comic book to chronicle her adventures?

It certainly makes me wish someone would come out with a summer blockbuster film where they all team up, like the Avengers or the Justice League. We could call them Team Tiara! But regardless, I think I've found the solution to my predicament . . . and my next costume idea for Halloween. 

Cinderella’s Legacy

Why is it that the story of Cinderella, the scullery maid who became a princess, remains one of the most popular and beloved of all times? Is it because she stands up to her wicked stepmother?  No.  Because she’s brave and confidant?  Definitely not.  In those respects, Cinderella’s story proves nothing but a disappointment.  She never tells off her scheming step family or fights for her dreams. She meekly accepts her dreary existence and never makes a move to change her lot in life.

Even the end falls short of perfect.  Prince charming doesn’t come to her house, look past the dirt smudges and peasant rags to recognize Cinderella as the beautiful maiden he fell in love with at the ball.  Oh no. He marries her because her foot fits into a tiny glass shoe. Theoretically, he might have ridden off into the sunset with the wrong girl entirely, and the real “love of his life” is someone else with the same size feet wondering what in the hell’s taking her prince so long. 

It pains me to write this, as Cinderella was always my favorite Disney movie, but this ‘love story’ is nothing but a nightmare. It gives little girls (and let’s face it, a lot of lonely adults) the false belief that if they wait around long enough, a fairy godmother will come along to sort out their love life. Totally ridiculous. And waiting for prince charming to show up with a sparkly shoe in the right size – any shoe salesman can do that.  I mean, honestly, anyone who stayed in on a Saturday night waiting for a fairy godmother intervention might as well get used to scrubbing floors and singing into their soap-bubble reflection. Alone.