The All Time Greatest Love Stories

The other day I was talking with some family friends about love stories. Which ones were the best, which should never have been written or filmed, etc. And I must admit, I was somewhat shocked by some of their answers, especially the answers that fell under the title “Greatest love story of ALL time”. I try not to criticize other people’s taste in books and films – I love movies like Lake Placid so I’ve got little room to judge – but there are some things that I simply cannot abide.

The Notebook? Seriously? This is the “greatest love story ever told”? You MUST be joking. Yes, many of my female friends (and a few male ones) actually claim to like The Notebook (why, I cannot say), but please for the love of god, never say that it’s the greatest love story ever told. Or really any other Nicholas Sparks book or movie for that matter.

And anything with a love triangle gets immediately crossed off the list as well. If you’re struggling with feelings for more than one person, it does NOT deserve the title of “greatest love story”.

Now, a few people mentioned Pride and Prejudice and The Princess Bride. This I can get behind. These are wonderful tales of love (and some of my favorite literary works). I would also accept tragic love classics like Casablanca, Romeo and Juliet or Gone with the Wind (book or movie). And I thought someone’s suggestion of Beauty and the Beast was pretty inspired – I enjoy a love story where the falling in love part happens before the make-over. If you fall for someone after they’ve been beautified, the validity of your feelings gets called into question [cough, My Fair Lady, Cinderella, etc., cough, cough.]

Still, I have to say that if we’re talking ALL TIME GREATEST love stories, the kind that demands all caps, only two come to mind.

Buff and Angel

Before Twilight and True Blood there was Buffy the Vampire Slayer – the greatest vampire love story ever written. What has become a clichéd, teen angst-ridden theme seems somehow more beautiful and unique in the hands of Joss Whedon. A vampire cursed with a soul, tortured by the brutality of his past, in love with a slayer, the one person destined to kill him. Two lovers never able to be together without risking the very soul that differentiates him from other demons and allows him to feel love. It’s both tragic and beautiful. Of course my opinion could be colored by my Whedonian obsession and childhood nostalgia (Buffy was my middle school hero), but to this day I still believe Buffy and Angel’s story is one of the greatest love story of all time.  

The Terminator

Spoilers. In 2029, Kyle Reese was given a photograph of Sarah Connor by her son, John. He fell in love with Sarah, staring at her photo, and traveled back in time to protect her, unknowingly conceiving a child in the one night they had together. A child that would later become the leader of the resistance . . . John Connor. It’s a heartbreakingly beautiful love story – one that follows the paradoxical rules of time travel. And one that rips my heart right out each time I watch it. Now that is the mark of a great love story. 

“I came across time for you Sarah. I love you. I always have.” Beautiful. 

And those are the two love stories I consider the greatest of all times. Some might question why tragic love stories are often the greatest, but that's a question for another day . . . 

B is for Buffy, Blade and Bram Stoker: Vampire Hunters

With the recent popularity of Twilight, The Vampire Diaries and the Sookie Stackhouse novels, vampires have become something of a hot topic. Each of these series features one or more protagonists of the blood-sucking persuasion, thus turning vampires into sympathetic heroes. Even Anne Rice is guilty of humanizing these demonic beings, and while I respect her amazing storytelling talents more than I can express, I take a slightly more . . . old-school view of these creatures of the night.

That being said, I thought for this post I would discuss the men and women that make up the other side of this genre – vampire hunters.

When I was in middle school a friend of mine introduced me to Joss Whedon’s hit tv show Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I was immediately enraptured by Whedon’s witty dialogue, gruesome villains, AND his depiction of a sassy, petite demon hunter. Despite her diminutive stature, Buffy was everything a slayer should be: athletic, powerful, and above all, stylish. She could vanquish a demon in under a minute, all the while wearing three-inch heels. Definitely one of my childhood – and present day – heroes.

After Buffy, my interest in slayer legends expanded with an introduction to the vampire hunter Blade. I read some of the Marvel comics and absolutely loved the film series starring Wesley Snipes. I thought the concept of a vampire hunter who was himself half-vampire thoroughly fascinating. To loath vampires to the very core, and yet have inherited their thirst for blood, a constant reminder that he's made from the very thing he hates . . . now that’s genius. Add in a double edged sword and the ability to walk in the sunlight, and you’ve got a recipe for a lethal hunter.

Last but certainly not least, I want to mention perhaps the most famous and influential vampire hunter of all time – Abraham Van Helsing. Unlike Buffy and Blade, Bram Stoker does not portray Van Helsing as a “career” vampire hunter; rather, he becomes one out of necessity. When Lucy Westenra falls ill of an unknown disease, Dr. John Seward contacts Van Helsing because of his knowledge of “obscure diseases”. Though by no means a demon hunter, he recognizes the mark of the vampire upon Lucy, and eventually tells his friends how to kill her. He manages to destroy the three blood-sucking brides of Dracula single-handedly, and is instrumental in defeating the most famous vampire of all time himself, Count Dracula.

Needless to say, I doubt today’s sparkling vampires would hold up against hunters such as these.

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This post is part of the Blogging A through Z Challenge 2012. My theme is (in case you didn’t already guess) science fiction. Stay tuned for the rest of the alphabet, and if you’d like to check in on the rest of the participants, simply click here.

Vampire's Day Soiree

For all of those romantics celebrating February 14^th with hearts and candy . . . this post may not be for you. For everyone who’s said “Valentine’s Day sucks!” today, you've come to the right place.

Thanks to Holly at Holly’s Horrorland, the “V” in V-Day no longer stands for Valentine; instead it stands for Vampire! So when I say that today bites . . . I mean that literally. 

I’ve done a few posts about vampires in the past (see here), and anyone who’s ever read my blog knows that Joss Whedon’s Buffy the Vampire Slayer is one of my all-time favorite t.v. shows. But I thought today I’d talk about a few modern vampire movies that I feel have been . . . overlooked.

Starting with Dracula 2000. I think it’s a real shame that more people haven’t seen this movie. While, yes, it does have some ridiculous parts, and some of the acting could use a little work, I think overall it deserves a little more respect than it’s probably been given. For one thing, I think Gerard Butler as Dracula was a terrific choice. He manages to be creepy and seductive at the same time, and I maintain that the scene where he walks into the record store is one of the best representations of age-old Dracula enthralling modern society. Furthermore, I think the plot of Dracula 2000 was incredibly inventive. Their twist on the original legends was unexpected and really exciting. I can’t say more without spoilers, but I definitely recommend this movie to fans of the genre.

The next movie I want to mention is Daybreakers. When it came out in 2009, I had no idea what it was about. I’d seen very few trailers or advertising. However, when I went to the theater one rainy afternoon, I was pleasantly surprised. While most vampire movies are set in our modern world with vampires living in secret, this one isn’t; rather, it depicts a world where vampires are on top and humans that have gone into hiding. It definitely made for an entertaining change. I’ve always wondered what it would be like if vampires took their place at the top of the social food chain – and this movie showed us. Again, this one is definitely worth looking in to. 

Last but not least, Ultraviolet.  So, I must admit, this is not the best film I’ve ever seen. In fact, when my friends and I went to see it, I was the only one who actually liked it . . . and even I thought it was just fair. But there were some appealing aspects. For one, I really like stories about dystopian worlds. Corrupt governments ruling with an iron fist, small groups of resistance fighters, etc. All made for an interesting, if not noteworthy, story. And while some of the fight scenes were often over the top and hard to follow, I thought the focus on Six as a potential weapon against the hemophages, and the unusual ways in which the hemophage virus spread redeemed the overall film.

So thanks to Holly for hosting, and check out the links on her blog if you want to read more about vampires. Happy Valentine’s Vampire Day!

Zombies vs. Vampires vs. Werewolves

Last night my roommate and I were watching Halloween Wars on The Food Network and the challenge was Zombies vs. Vampires. I found really interesting since you most often see vampires in contention with werewolves rather than their flesh-eating brethren. This got me thinking – of the three species, who’d come out the victor in the Undead Battle Royal?

Let’s check out the contenders . . .

Vampires:

Over in the right corner of our triangular boxing ring we have the vampires. Now, there are many different myths about vampires, so there’s some debate when it comes to their strengths and weaknesses (Note: I will be referring to their traditional descriptions rather than their modern, occasionally sparkly counterparts). They are typically gifted with incredible strength, speed and a seductive quality that draws in their prey. Furthermore, in some mythologies (such as the progenitor of their species – Dracula), they can both scale walls and shape shift into other forms, something which would come in incredibly handy in the battle of the undead.

However, vampires do have several handicaps. Most notable is their sensitivity to the sun and inability to come our during daylight hours. They also need to feast on human blood to survive or they fall into a weakened state that would inhibit their fighting abilities. And while their seductive techniques might help them with werewolves when in their human forms, I highly doubt it would have any affect whatsoever on the mindless zombies.

References: Dracula, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Blade, Underworld, True Blood and The Vampire Chronicles.

Werewolves:

Next up are the anthropomorphic, shape-shifting werewolves. They are incredibly strong and savage beasts, and a match for any undead foe. Their superior sense of smell and tracking abilities would give them a distinct advantage were the fight to take place in the darkened woods. Though they are allergic to silver, that shouldn’t pose a problem as zombies aren’t cognizant enough to use it against them, and vampires are similarly affected, so it’s unlikely either species will use it as a weapon (other than the liquid bullet form seen in Underworld of course).

Unfortunately, werewolves do have one very unique shortcoming – they can only turn into their hair-covered, predatory form three nights a month when the moon is full. So unless the battle took place on one of those nights, the werewolves would be goners. However, considering that vampires are nocturnal creatures as well, the probability that the fight would occur during the necessary evenings greatly increases.

References: The Wolfman, And American Werewolf in London, The Howling, Underworld and True Blood

Zombies:

Last but not least are the zombies. Now, though they’re a member of the Homonus Undeadicus, they maintain more of their human weaknesses than their undead rivals. For example, zombies are not typically very fast, nor do they have superior strength or agility. They are typically mindless creatures searching for little more than human brains to consume, and therefore lack the cunning skills of either vampires of werewolves. And though they are able to walk in the daylight, neither of their adversaries can, making it unlikely that a battle would take place at such a time (and therefore nullifying this as an advantage). However, were to begin in the night and last until sunrise, zombies would of course emerge victorious.

Still, zombies do have two chief assets in their favor. One, they don’t really need anything to exist. Unlike vampires, who must feed on human blood, and werewolves, which need the same nourishment as ordinary humans when in their non-furry form, zombies do not require sustenance. They of course long for the tasty delight of flesh and brains, but don’t require it for survival. And second, they have but one singular drive or purpose – attaining the desired flesh and brains. Unlike vampires and werewolves, zombies do not crave power, dominance or companionship. They merely long for the taste of blood-soaked guts, whether they be male, female, vampire or werewolf. This single-minded devotion to their goal would prove a powerful advantage in the battle ring.

References: Zomieland, The Walking Dead, Dawn of the Dead, Night of the Living Dead, 28 Days Later and Resident Evil

When it comes to a Battle Royal between the living dead, it’s hard to say who’d emerge victorious. If I were a bookie taking bets, who would you place your money on???

A Guide to Recognizing Your Apocalypses

For everyone who’s watched movies about aliens, dinosaurs, or vampires and thought to themselves ‘what if this really happened?’, here’s a list of your five common apocalypses to prepare for and the guides most appropriate for preparation.

1. Computers/Machines:
Perhaps the most likely apocalypse, one should always be wary of modern technology. As countless movies and novels warn us, given too much power, computers are nothing if not capable of becoming self aware and exterminating us with our own weapons. The best defense is acute suspicion – beware of how much power you give your electronics. And in the event that our government makes the mistake of trusting computers with sensitive information capable of destroying mankind – as I suspect they will - the following are essential for preparation:
- Terminator
- Terminator 2: Judgment Day
- iRobot
- The Matrix
- Battlestar Galactica
- Transformers (Decepticons, not Autobots)
- Eagle Eye

2. Vampires/Werewolves:
Vampires and werewolves, also called Lycanthropes, are one of the most deadly threats to humanity. They’re often depicted in conflict with one another, as well as the human race. Occasionally seen as benevolent (like Angel from Buffy the Vampire Slayer), they’re by no means a friend to mankind. Should a strain of either species break out, it’s better to be prepared with stakes, crossbows, silver bullets, crucifixes and holy water than to fall back on the unlikely chance that beneath their terrifying exterior lies a mortal soul. In the event that you spent last decade living under a rock, and therefore unaware of what it takes to defeat these immortals, the best guides include:
- Buffy the Vampire Slayer
- The Underworld films
- The Blade series (both film and Marvel comic)
- John Carpenter’s Vampires
- Daybreakers
- Bram Stoker's Dracula
- Dracula 2000
- The Wolf Man
- Van Helsing (not a personal favorite, but worthy of mention)
- Anne Rice’s The Vampire Chronicles

- Note: Despite their popularity, the Twilight novels are NOT appropriate reading material when preparing to face vampires or werewolves in an end of the world showdown. However, if you’re looking for a guide on how to become involved in a love triangle consisting of a member of each, let Meyers be your guide. Similar guides for forming romantic attachments with vampires include the television shows True Blood and Moonlight. On the other hand, J. K. Rowling gives some exceptional advice for potions to help werewolves become more human-friendly.

3. Zombies:

A popular motif in horror films, the zombie apocalypse has become a recent pop culture favorite – perhaps influenced by recent outbreaks of the swine flu and mad cow diseases, etc. Furthermore, between germs, overcrowding, genetic testing, and questionable fast food products, a healthy fear of zombies seems more and more reasonable. Unlike vampires or machines, which use seduction techniques or a cold and calculating intelligent design to kill, zombies are usually depicted as mindless, though no less threatening. Beware, or they might turn you into a “human happy meal” faster than you can say “ahhhhh”.- Zombieland
- 28 Days Later
- The Zombie Survival Guide
- Dawn of the Dead
- Night of the Living Dead
- Note: Zombieland suggests several rules for surviving in a post-zombie apocalypse world. I stipulate these rules are useful when facing all manner of apocalyptic horrors.

4. Aliens:

Considering the vastness of space, it’s naïve to assume that we’re alone in the universe; however, let me be clear. There is every possibility that aliens from outer space really are peaceful creatures with no intention of harming us (such as ET, the alien hotties from the show Roswell). And as much as I regret promoting an us/them, kill-the-aliens mindset, I still entertain the possibility that there could, one day, be an invasion where aliens wipe us out in order to take over the planet, steal our natural resources, etc. My general pessimism and phobias therefore insist that I prepare should such an event arise. So, guides to be used ONLY on vicious killer aliens and non-ET type personnel are:- Independence Day
- War of the World
- Alien
- Aliens
- Stargate SG1
- Invasion of the Body Snatchers
- Men in Black

- Battle: Los Angeles

5. Prehistoric Creatures/Dragons:
Though one of the less common and therefore less feared apocalypses, it should still be on your radar. Though we believe dragons non-existent and dinosaurs extinct, one should never underestimate how far modern science has come. They say birds, chickens and some species of frogs share common DNA with dinosaurs – and isn’t that something to keep you up a night? Better safe than sorry I say, so no matter how unlikely, the next time you have nothing to do on a Sunday evening, take a quick look at a few of the following:
- Jurassic Park (novels and films)
- Reign of Fire
- How to Train Your Dragon
- Godzilla


Disclaimer: There are many other novels, films and TV shows not mentioned in this article that are of the genre but not appropriate for battle preparations.