Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Zombies vs. Vampires vs. Werewolves

Last night my roommate and I were watching Halloween Wars on The Food Network and the challenge was Zombies vs. Vampires. I found really interesting since you most often see vampires in contention with werewolves rather than their flesh-eating brethren. This got me thinking – of the three species, who’d come out the victor in the Undead Battle Royal?

Let’s check out the contenders . . .

Vampires:
Over in the right corner of our triangular boxing ring we have the vampires. Now, there are many different myths about vampires, so there’s some debate when it comes to their strengths and weaknesses (Note: I will be referring to their traditional descriptions rather than their modern, occasionally sparkly counterparts). They are typically gifted with incredible strength, speed and a seductive quality that draws in their prey. Furthermore, in some mythologies (such as the progenitor of their species – Dracula), they can both scale walls and shape shift into other forms, something which would come in incredibly handy in the battle of the undead.

However, vampires do have several handicaps. Most notable is their sensitivity to the sun and inability to come our during daylight hours. They also need to feast on human blood to survive or they fall into a weakened state that would inhibit their fighting abilities. And while their seductive techniques might help them with werewolves when in their human forms, I highly doubt it would have any affect whatsoever on the mindless zombies.

References: Dracula, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Blade, Underworld, True Blood and The Vampire Chronicles.

Werewolves:
Next up are the anthropomorphic, shape-shifting werewolves. They are incredibly strong and savage beasts, and a match for any undead foe. Their superior sense of smell and tracking abilities would give them a distinct advantage were the fight to take place in the darkened woods. Though they are allergic to silver, that shouldn’t pose a problem as zombies aren’t cognizant enough to use it against them, and vampires are similarly affected, so it’s unlikely either species will use it as a weapon (other than the liquid bullet form seen in Underworld of course).

Unfortunately, werewolves do have one very unique shortcoming – they can only turn into their hair-covered, predatory form three nights a month when the moon is full. So unless the battle took place on one of those nights, the werewolves would be goners. However, considering that vampires are nocturnal creatures as well, the probability that the fight would occur during the necessary evenings greatly increases.

References: The Wolfman, And American Werewolf in London, The Howling, Underworld and True Blood

Zombies:
Last but not least are the zombies. Now, though they’re a member of the Homonus Undeadicus, they maintain more of their human weaknesses than their undead rivals. For example, zombies are not typically very fast, nor do they have superior strength or agility. They are typically mindless creatures searching for little more than human brains to consume, and therefore lack the cunning skills of either vampires of werewolves. And though they are able to walk in the daylight, neither of their adversaries can, making it unlikely that a battle would take place at such a time (and therefore nullifying this as an advantage). However, were to begin in the night and last until sunrise, zombies would of course emerge victorious.

Still, zombies do have two chief assets in their favor. One, they don’t really need anything to exist. Unlike vampires, who must feed on human blood, and werewolves, which need the same nourishment as ordinary humans when in their non-furry form, zombies do not require sustenance. They of course long for the tasty delight of flesh and brains, but don’t require it for survival. And second, they have but one singular drive or purpose – attaining the desired flesh and brains. Unlike vampires and werewolves, zombies do not crave power, dominance or companionship. They merely long for the taste of blood-soaked guts, whether they be male, female, vampire or werewolf. This single-minded devotion to their goal would prove a powerful advantage in the battle ring.

References: Zomieland, The Walking Dead, Dawn of the Dead, Night of the Living Dead, 28 Days Later and Resident Evil

When it comes to a Battle Royal between the living dead, it’s hard to say who’d emerge victorious. If I were a bookie taking bets, who would you place your money on???

35 comments:

  1. Let's say zombies because really, eventually the others would die off and more zombies would just be created...

    Great post! :D

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  2. I have to go with vamps. They might struggle in the boxing ring, but with their proclivity for forming covens they would ultimately prevail (strength in numbers and all)...

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  3. If it was on one one, I would say a vampire would win. But you can't measure zombies without measuring the horde. So I say zombies.

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  4. As no one's come out in favour of Werewolves, I'll vote for them. No reason except I always thought Michael J Fox was quite cute :-) Although, thinking about it a bit more, while they were waiting for a full moon, the others would have swooped in a zombie-fied them... although - again - a zombie werewolf??

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  5. So far it looks like the score is two for zombies, one for vampires, and one pity vote for werewolves. It's still anybody's game.

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  6. LOL! I love this post, thanks for the fun humor. I think vampires would win--they can consume the werewolf blood when he isn't furry during non-fullmoon times. Zombies aren't made to survive, but to exist. ;)

    Thanks for the blast and for finding me on Pay It Forward! (following ya back)

    ♥.•*¨Elizabeth¨*•.♥

    Can Alex save Winter from the darkness that hunts her?

    YA Paranormal Romance, Darkspell releases October 31st!

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  7. It depends what sort of zombies they are. If all dead become zombies, then there will always be zombies and they win. Yet if all the zombies are killed - which would be easy for vampires and werewolves to do - and no more can be made, then the zombies would lose. I would say vampires and werewolves are closely matched, but vampires have the centuries of experience on their side.

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  8. Zombies would prevail...because no matter how many times you shoot, slice or stab a zombie, they can always reattach the pieces and continue on. Attacks from vampires and werewolves continually make more zombies. Vampires and werewolves would eventually die because of silver bullets and wooden stakes, therefore zombies would prevail. Your 'lil Cousie.

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    1. Uhhhh......headshots?

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  9. I'm going to say Werewolves too. Not out of pity but because of the following:

    1) They can be as seductive as vampires (Underworld, True Blood, Vampire Diaries). Although this is more due to a natural hotness than an ability to bespell you(or just awesome casting).

    2) Superior strength even while not in their animal hairy state. (True Blood, Vampire Diaries)

    They could tear apart a zombie and are smart enough to either kill a vamp in daylight hours with sunlight or hide out until they are strong enough to do it those nights of the full moon.

    Great post!!!

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  10. I think it depends pretty heavily on what exactly the scenario is.

    Scenario 1: The Zombie apocalypse is upon is, and all normal humans have been turned into one of the three monsters. The caveat is that I’m assuming that most normal humans will get turned into a Zombie, and only a few will get turned into Vampires or Werewolves. If it’s equal numbers for all three groups, I think Vampires win every time.

    Scenario 1(a): Morning – Edge: Vampires
    Vampires will have an advantage because they’re used to defending themselves against people and creatures that are actively trying to destroy them. If their system of traps and defenses is enough to keep Van Helsing at bay, I don’t see what chance the Zombies or untransformed Werewolves have. All they have to do is sit and wait for night to fall, and then they can counter attack at will without fear of being discovered. The biggest issue for the Vampires will be feeding. If there are only Zombies and Werewolves, the Vampires are out of options for blood. They could probably crash blood banks and survive for a while, but they’d be dependent on a rapidly dwindling, non-renewable resource. The victory scenario for the Vampires in this instance is a peaceful death by starvation instead of being ripped apart by Zombies or Werewolves.

    Werewolves are in trouble in this scenario. Typically, the best defense for Werewolves is that 98 ⅓ % of the time (That’s 59/60, or 29/30 nights and 30/30 days), they can’t be distinguished from any normal person. Because the Vampires are safe in their lairs, the Werewolves only have to deal with the Zombies to start with. They have their intelligence, but against a horde of Zombies, there isn’t a lot that they can do. They can mount a counter-offensive against the Zombies, but they’ll run into the same problem that normal humans run into: dwindling supplies and a war of attrition where the Zombies only get more numerous. Even if they manage to survive the day, they still have Vampires to deal with at night.

    Zombies are the dark horse contender for this scenario. Their greatest asset in this contest is that they’re essentially a force of nature. They don’t have the ability to formulate plans or strategies, but they don’t need to. The Zombies will keep pressing forward until all of the Zombies have been destroyed. If the Vampires or Werewolves aren’t able to destroy all of the Zombies before the food supply runs out, Zombies could win this scenario by default.

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  11. Scenario 1(b): Night (Non-Full Moon) – Edge: Vampires
    Vampires are used to being aloof during the night. They’ll soon figure out what’s going on, and they’ll either start taking out Zombies right away, or they’ll retreat to their lairs to plan out a tactical assault on all things Zombie. Ultimately, there’s not a lot of difference for the Vampires in this scenario.

    Werewolves are in serious trouble in this scenario. Not only are they not in their Werewolf form, but they’re probably asleep, making them easy targets for Zombies and Vampires alike.

    Zombies are in the same position as in the previous scenarios. If they are a large enough group that the Vampires can’t kill them off fast enough, they’ll win by default.

    Scenario 1(c): Night (Full Moon) – Edge: Vampires
    This scenario is the Werewolves best chance at victory, but it’s still not a very good chance. The best that the Werewolves can hope for is to completely wipe out all of the Zombies in one night, and then beat the Vampires with a combination of starving them out and occasionally picking them off if they last more than a month.

    In this scenario, Vampires are probably holed up, avoiding the predatory Werewolves. This means that they’re safe and sound when the Zombie apocalypse begins. In the morning, scenario 1(a) plays out, and the Vampires win again, unless the Werewolves managed to completely destroy the Zombies (or as near as doesn’t matter). In this scenario, Vampires are reduced to playing hide and go seek with the Werewolves. If it comes down to this, I’d give a slight edge to the Werewolves, but I don’t see the Werewolves making a big enough dent in the Zombies for this to happen.

    This is the worst case scenario for the Zombies. In the previous two scenarios, one of the two competing monsters was asleep or otherwise weakened during the apex of the apocalypse. Here, they have to go up against the superior strength and tactics of both groups of monsters. With the Werewolves to thin out the horde, I think it’s even more likely that the Vampires will be able to get rid of all of the Zombies before running out of blood.

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  12. Scenario 2: The alien that used to pretend to be Don King has had enough fun setting up boxing matches, and decides to set up the ultimate fight. In this Battle Quarter Pounder (Actually, we’ll go ahead and assume that the fight is in France, so they’ll call it a Battle Royale), we have one Vampire, one Werewolf and one Zombie.

    In this scenario, I have to give the edge to the brute strength of the Werewolf. Vampires would likely put up a valiant struggle, but come up just short in the end. The only chance the Zombie has in this scenario is to bite the Werewolf, and make the fight between two Zombies and a Vampire. Even if the Zombie does manage to bite the Werewolf, victory for the Zombies is predicated on the Zombie Werewolf maintaining his strength and agility.

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  13. I think my money would be on the zombies. Being undead already (and not just that, but raised from the dead), they're a little hard to kill. I've seen them broken into pieces and still the stray arm scuttles towards its opponent. Strength and agility isn't everything ;).

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  14. If I had to, I would take vampires. Just in terms of my own personal preferences. Because vampires aren't hairy and/or rotting. But not Twilight vampires. Dracula vampires.

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  15. New and updated score:
    Zombies - 4 bites
    Vampires - 3 bites
    Werewolves - 2 bites
    Undecided - 2 (that's right Andy, I'm putting you in this category despite your very long and thoroughly thought out argument.)

    So it looks like Zombies might take this one. Thanks for your bites - I mean votes - everyone.

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  16. And Andy, I'm somewhat surprised by your decisions. Don't get me wrong, these are WELL thought out and cogent arguments - but to see zombies lose in just about every scenario...that seems a little strange (especially since I know your fondness for zombie apocalypses). I think you underestimate the sheer strength of their numbers and single-minded devotion to obtaining brains (whether they be human or undead). And furthermore, to discount winning "by default", as you describe it, completely undermines the zombie's most significant feature - they survive. They may not emote or enjoy the benefits of their dominance, but they do survive and outlast pretty much any other "living" organism...including, in my opinion, vampires or werewolves.

    Which I guess makes the official count:
    Zombies - 5 bites
    Vampires - 3 bites
    Werewolves - 2 bites
    Undecided - 2

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  17. I'll go for the "underdog" (heh heh)--werewolves!

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  18. I suppose I need a further caveat. I promise it will be comparatively short.

    I'm working under the assumption that these Zombies can be stopped by interfering with the brain function. Basically, decapitation or a gunshot to the head will kill a Zombie. I also assume fire will kill a Zombie as well, but I'm not familiar with that particular method of Zombie extermination.

    That said, Zombies are dumb. Usually they overwhelm people by using the element of surprise. By the time normal humans realize that the Zombie apocalypse is nigh, there are too many of them to mount an effective counter-attack. I've yet to see a Zombie scenario (film, book, etc.) where Zombies have the tables turned on them. If they become the hunted, they won't have the wherewithal to hide, and wait out the hunters. This is the main reason why I discount their "most significant feature".

    Vampires and Werewolves aren't going to be freaked out by super-natural monsters. To begin with, they'll be more observant of things that "don't exist", so when they see Zombies roaming the streets, they won't meander over for a closer look. They'll retreat to their havens/lairs and assess the situation. Once they realize what's going on, it will only be a matter of time before traps are set and the Zombies are hunted to extinction. Their only hope at that point is that there are simply too many Zombies for the Vampires and/or Werewolves to hunt to extinction before their food supply runs out.

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  19. I think of these three groups were fighting, we'd have a real apocalypses on our hands and NO ONE would survive. Mwahaha!

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  20. if, of.. same difference, right?

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  21. Since, I think Vampires and Werewovles tend to work alone, I think Zombies might win. The always attack in hordes, and tend to create even bigger ones as they move along.

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    1. But they wouldn't be interested in vampire flesh at all. something to consider.

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    2. Also werewolves hunt in pacts like regular wolves so if there is one there is bound to be at least 2 more with him!

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  23. Wow! SOme people gave this some serious consideration! I'm just going to go with Vampires because I dont like the smell of dogs, and no matter what, Zombies could never be hot!

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  24. I vote for ... vampires. Definitely not humans. We're weak and un-super. Bummer.
    Also! I gave you an award! Drop by my blog to see! Exclamation points!!

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  25. Werewolves, because they don't let a thing like rational thought stop them.

    I love Halloween Wars! Or pretty much anything on The Food Network.

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  26. New and updated score:
    Zombies - 6 bites
    Vampires - 5 bites
    Werewolves - 3 bites
    Undecided - 2

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  27. Did we cover the fact that Zombies are only interested in living flesh, and would therefore have no interest in attacking or feeding on vampires? Hence Zombies wouldn't even look twice at a vampire?

    The answer is vampires.

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  28. New and updated score:
    Zombies - 6 bites
    Vampires - 6 bites
    Werewolves - 3 bites
    Undecided - 2

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  29. One thing to remember is that zombies are believed to use their sense of smell when hunting for food. given the fact that vampires are dead as well, it is logical to assume that zombies would not consider them a food source and therefore not pursue them at all. This fact causes vampires to win in an undead battle royale becaue with their superior strength and ability to not contract any virus or disease, they beat the zombies. Also they are smart enough to destroy werewolves when they are at their weakest so that's 2 points for vampires.
    I love zombies most out of the options, but face it, vamps are tougher and smarter.

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  30. come on r u serious? yes zombies are able t take down anyone when there in a group,ill goo with werewolves cuz there the ultimate hunters they rip u limb from limb and leev your gore hanging out,zombies are definetly not the victors in this 3 way its debatible on who would win in the end with werewolves and vampires...personily it could go eithr ways......but as for me......team werewolf

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  31. Zombies because they don't travel alone and depending on where you are there can be millions! Although if it was just Vampires vs Werewolves alone then Werewolves would win. Why? Well because they have absolutely no weaknesses but silver I don't think a Vampire would be smart enough to know that until it's to late. Although if they contain any similarity to wolves then they would travel in packs. True vampires may hunt together but if it came down to it their ignorance would get in the way and the Werewolves would get a nice meal.

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