Zombies vs. Vampires vs. Werewolves

Last night my roommate and I were watching Halloween Wars on The Food Network and the challenge was Zombies vs. Vampires. I found really interesting since you most often see vampires in contention with werewolves rather than their flesh-eating brethren. This got me thinking – of the three species, who’d come out the victor in the Undead Battle Royal?

Let’s check out the contenders . . .

Vampires:

Over in the right corner of our triangular boxing ring we have the vampires. Now, there are many different myths about vampires, so there’s some debate when it comes to their strengths and weaknesses (Note: I will be referring to their traditional descriptions rather than their modern, occasionally sparkly counterparts). They are typically gifted with incredible strength, speed and a seductive quality that draws in their prey. Furthermore, in some mythologies (such as the progenitor of their species – Dracula), they can both scale walls and shape shift into other forms, something which would come in incredibly handy in the battle of the undead.

However, vampires do have several handicaps. Most notable is their sensitivity to the sun and inability to come our during daylight hours. They also need to feast on human blood to survive or they fall into a weakened state that would inhibit their fighting abilities. And while their seductive techniques might help them with werewolves when in their human forms, I highly doubt it would have any affect whatsoever on the mindless zombies.

References: Dracula, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Blade, Underworld, True Blood and The Vampire Chronicles.

Werewolves:

Next up are the anthropomorphic, shape-shifting werewolves. They are incredibly strong and savage beasts, and a match for any undead foe. Their superior sense of smell and tracking abilities would give them a distinct advantage were the fight to take place in the darkened woods. Though they are allergic to silver, that shouldn’t pose a problem as zombies aren’t cognizant enough to use it against them, and vampires are similarly affected, so it’s unlikely either species will use it as a weapon (other than the liquid bullet form seen in Underworld of course).

Unfortunately, werewolves do have one very unique shortcoming – they can only turn into their hair-covered, predatory form three nights a month when the moon is full. So unless the battle took place on one of those nights, the werewolves would be goners. However, considering that vampires are nocturnal creatures as well, the probability that the fight would occur during the necessary evenings greatly increases.

References: The Wolfman, And American Werewolf in London, The Howling, Underworld and True Blood

Zombies:

Last but not least are the zombies. Now, though they’re a member of the Homonus Undeadicus, they maintain more of their human weaknesses than their undead rivals. For example, zombies are not typically very fast, nor do they have superior strength or agility. They are typically mindless creatures searching for little more than human brains to consume, and therefore lack the cunning skills of either vampires of werewolves. And though they are able to walk in the daylight, neither of their adversaries can, making it unlikely that a battle would take place at such a time (and therefore nullifying this as an advantage). However, were to begin in the night and last until sunrise, zombies would of course emerge victorious.

Still, zombies do have two chief assets in their favor. One, they don’t really need anything to exist. Unlike vampires, who must feed on human blood, and werewolves, which need the same nourishment as ordinary humans when in their non-furry form, zombies do not require sustenance. They of course long for the tasty delight of flesh and brains, but don’t require it for survival. And second, they have but one singular drive or purpose – attaining the desired flesh and brains. Unlike vampires and werewolves, zombies do not crave power, dominance or companionship. They merely long for the taste of blood-soaked guts, whether they be male, female, vampire or werewolf. This single-minded devotion to their goal would prove a powerful advantage in the battle ring.

References: Zomieland, The Walking Dead, Dawn of the Dead, Night of the Living Dead, 28 Days Later and Resident Evil

When it comes to a Battle Royal between the living dead, it’s hard to say who’d emerge victorious. If I were a bookie taking bets, who would you place your money on???