tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6839646920915128083.post5769891876195059449..comments2023-12-22T01:00:05.754-08:00Comments on Pensuasion: Can You Guess My Character's Age?S. L. Hennessyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06514651403542719387noreply@blogger.comBlogger27125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6839646920915128083.post-15603613077007720312011-12-26T23:17:10.370-08:002011-12-26T23:17:10.370-08:0073? After getting beat up by the mean kid at the o...73? After getting beat up by the mean kid at the old folks home and failing to tattle to the principal/owner of the home, Jack heads home to the comnfort of his aging mother.Scowanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03295567849404475142noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6839646920915128083.post-41068606865232866242011-12-14T20:52:42.118-08:002011-12-14T20:52:42.118-08:00What a touching scene!
As a mother, I'd say t...What a touching scene!<br /><br />As a mother, I'd say the kid is in Kindergarten or 1st grade because I don't talk to my daughter that is in 2nd grade like that. Pumpkin is a very baby name. Mother's don't "fuss" over older kids. We've gotten over that by the time they hit 1st grade.<br /><br />I'd change book bag to backpack because kids don't know what book bag's are. At least my three said "WHAT?" when I called it that once.Jolene Finehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02528130842100405957noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6839646920915128083.post-22504333585305481952011-12-13T17:21:46.280-08:002011-12-13T17:21:46.280-08:0012?
Nice job. I enjoyed this one. :)12?<br /><br />Nice job. I enjoyed this one. :)Mina Burrowshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14483363743530076604noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6839646920915128083.post-82963199048685675232011-12-12T14:36:49.657-08:002011-12-12T14:36:49.657-08:00Wow! This is really good! I was drawn into the sto...Wow! This is really good! I was drawn into the story right away:) I'm going to guess that Jack is 10 or 11. <br /><br />Great job and thanks so much for commenting on my blog and following me. <br /><br />I'm also following you now.Kristy Shenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15895893708061208660noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6839646920915128083.post-50818952263719975962011-12-12T10:31:05.680-08:002011-12-12T10:31:05.680-08:00Hmmmm....I'm thinking 12 or 13? The way he sp...Hmmmm....I'm thinking 12 or 13? The way he spoke made me picture a younger kid, like 12 or 13, but the 'jump out the window' comment feels a little more angsty, like he could be more of a true teen. Either way, it's a great start! I think both characters here are interesting.Sharon Baylisshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17361550815860670756noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6839646920915128083.post-49830256380892203082011-12-12T09:40:07.485-08:002011-12-12T09:40:07.485-08:00Great entry. I enjoyed reading this excerpt alot. ...Great entry. I enjoyed reading this excerpt alot. I'd say he is 14-15.<br /><br />I'm following you back.Cecilia Roberthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04416564789369523352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6839646920915128083.post-31153201558587236372011-12-10T10:52:47.478-08:002011-12-10T10:52:47.478-08:00I'd say 11 or 12, but he's a bit sarcastic...I'd say 11 or 12, but he's a bit sarcastic for that age. He's definitely still young, though. Maybe 13 at most?L.M. Millerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05834881688010514126noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6839646920915128083.post-75679923644673813442011-12-09T18:31:39.541-08:002011-12-09T18:31:39.541-08:00This is a teenage problem, but his mom speaks to h...This is a teenage problem, but his mom speaks to him like he's very young. I would guess 14 or 15. Good luck!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6839646920915128083.post-48781281942592061232011-12-09T14:38:57.654-08:002011-12-09T14:38:57.654-08:00I'd guess about fifteen? I love your voice :)...I'd guess about fifteen? I love your voice :)<br />JuliaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6839646920915128083.post-73616766338316951052011-12-09T13:18:36.548-08:002011-12-09T13:18:36.548-08:00My guess is 13. I get this mostly from the way his...My guess is 13. I get this mostly from the way his mom speaks to him.Nicole Settlehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06205918337710478398noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6839646920915128083.post-59786237083999075862011-12-09T04:51:58.159-08:002011-12-09T04:51:58.159-08:00I'm going to go with 14-15 because of the sulk...I'm going to go with 14-15 because of the sulkiness, throwing himself out of a window...general reticence. <br />I like this intro a lot. I would definitely like to know more about the bullying situation and how Jack deals with the guy. Also why he's being bullied! :) Strong voice.<br /><br />A couple of quick notes on writing-- watch out for the word "that", which is very rarely necessary and slows down the forward movement of your prose (Found it twice in the first couple of sentences).<br /><br /> Also, just a couple of quick things I stumbled over while reading that are no big deal and easy to fix:<br />"lipstick pink lips"--I would ditch lipstick. If you said magenta lips or flourescent lips or something along those lines, it's a much more vivid image and it's less bulky. <br /><br />Also in this sentence: "Not bothering to answer, Jack shut his...", I would delete not bothering to answer. It makes the sentence a passive construction and we know he didn't answer because he doesn't say anything back.<br />Good job and good luck!Heather Webbhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16998406608932437532noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6839646920915128083.post-22833031757074936572011-12-08T22:56:36.204-08:002011-12-08T22:56:36.204-08:00The situation makes me think he's young (11 or...The situation makes me think he's young (11 or 12 maybe), but his internal dialogue makes me think he's older (closer to 15 or 16).Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6839646920915128083.post-28714883920798224752011-12-08T20:26:52.321-08:002011-12-08T20:26:52.321-08:00Oh wow, you all are giving me SO MUCH to think abo...Oh wow, you all are giving me SO MUCH to think about. Especially since the ages seem to vary A LOT haha! I already have a few ideas for tweaks I think I'll make...S. L. Hennessyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06514651403542719387noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6839646920915128083.post-19869602644722695982011-12-08T19:18:47.427-08:002011-12-08T19:18:47.427-08:00I'd say nineI'd say ninesuehttp://sassyspeaks.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6839646920915128083.post-39303605465585490102011-12-08T18:58:17.692-08:002011-12-08T18:58:17.692-08:00good story. I would say 14.good story. I would say 14.Marie Gilberthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07275544861810872122noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6839646920915128083.post-89839517904673130392011-12-08T15:31:18.834-08:002011-12-08T15:31:18.834-08:00Some of the words he uses make me think angsty tee...Some of the words he uses make me think angsty teenager, around 15 or 16, but the rest makes me think 9 or 10, like a little kid on the verge of being an angsty teenager.Francesca Zappiahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16876692064254806825noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6839646920915128083.post-90704418442831315912011-12-08T14:22:17.150-08:002011-12-08T14:22:17.150-08:00I'm thinking about 12 :)I'm thinking about 12 :)Sharon Howardhttp://showard76.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6839646920915128083.post-15563453551271319822011-12-08T13:38:33.014-08:002011-12-08T13:38:33.014-08:00I would say middle school age. Somewhere between 1...I would say middle school age. Somewhere between 11-13. This is a very interesting beginning, too :DMarquita Hockadayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15931541485018513281noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6839646920915128083.post-83943836839281146722011-12-08T13:28:26.637-08:002011-12-08T13:28:26.637-08:00*sullen look* and talking about throwing himself o...*sullen look* and talking about throwing himself out the window make me think 15, but terms like *don't tattle on me* and the endearments make me think younger, like 10.1000th.monkeyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16835988128285459745noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6839646920915128083.post-73788508934475167112011-12-08T13:19:42.122-08:002011-12-08T13:19:42.122-08:00I'm going to guess fourteen. He had his mother...I'm going to guess fourteen. He had his mother being worried, but he's kind of sarcastic and wanting her to butt out. I liked his snarky comments. :D<br /><br />My pointers would be a couple of edits, mostly with missing commas. (Erm, I hope you don't mind--I do editing, so these things really stick out at me):<br /><br />“What happened pumpkin?” --There needs to be a comma between "happened" and "pumpkin" because you always have to have names (or terms of endearment when they're used in place of a name) with commas before or after them.<br /><br />“No mom, I’d rather you not tattle on me,” --Same thing here. A comma between "No" and "mom", and additionally, "Mom" needs to be capitalized.<br /><br />“Okay okay,” --Comma between the "Okay, okay"<br /><br />“Where you goin’ hon?” --Again, a comma between "goin'" and "hon". <br /><br />I hope Jack gets things sorted out with the bully!Laura Josephsenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04239501665574945313noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6839646920915128083.post-52742308118626765172011-12-08T11:43:21.225-08:002011-12-08T11:43:21.225-08:00I thought he was little older than his mother was ...I thought he was little older than his mother was treating him, especially with his very sullen parting comment of throwing himself out the window. I'll go with 14.Jesi O'Connellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03973548668462141343noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6839646920915128083.post-35547627604307986332011-12-08T10:17:07.332-08:002011-12-08T10:17:07.332-08:00This is a hard one because the mother uses childis...This is a hard one because the mother uses childish pet names: pumpkin, baby, hon.<br /><br />But Jack uses older words and phrases: merely, I tripped and ran into Ricky's fist, acquiescence, menace. "Tattle" is a word I associate with an elementary age kid, so not sure what to do with that one.<br /><br />I'm going with something around 14. Poor kid!Julie Daineshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08350205936357263571noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6839646920915128083.post-26756925043086232422011-12-08T09:39:58.298-08:002011-12-08T09:39:58.298-08:00I think 11. And the only thing I would change is ...I think 11. And the only thing I would change is that first line. Just leave off the 'even most days'. Sort of gave me pause.<br /><br />This sounds like the story I want to read though. i really like the voice and already I feel bad for the mc.Cassie Maehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17706774393186819619noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6839646920915128083.post-82164068920549042252011-12-08T09:13:00.253-08:002011-12-08T09:13:00.253-08:00The word tattle led me to believe he's about i...The word tattle led me to believe he's about in fourth grade. 9ish.E. Arroyohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06634213563563094173noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6839646920915128083.post-32855626590835589652011-12-08T08:26:37.417-08:002011-12-08T08:26:37.417-08:00I was going to say 11 too because of the mom wanti...I was going to say 11 too because of the mom wanting to get involved but letting him take care of it himself.Kell Andrewshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18089691866850131698noreply@blogger.com